Posted by


Whatever it is we are waiting for let’s call it “the next step.” The next step to the high school of our dreams, the college we know is exactly right, the graduate school that will crown our academic life, the position we have prepared for years to enter…and on and on like a hamster on a wheel. Unfortunately, the next step, while not always, most often leads to heart break and the crushing of hope. Or does it? How do we handle disappointment? Maybe the more appropriate question is how do we handle our expectations? I work with many adolescents on the cusp of entering college and this time of year is stressful and poignant. A fortunate few are admitted “early” to their dream college, while so many wait for April for news. Recently one usually upbeat student  came to class pale and so despondent it was sad to watch her. Urgently she held a friend’s hand through class, she was the personification of someone who had, as we say in our cliched but accurate way,  been “kicked in the gut” by her rejection from college. All the air had disappeared from her enlivening buoyancy.

I am a writer, you cannot continue to write if you do not find a way to handle rejection. All writers know this and the history of literature is replete with stories of what writers do with rejection letters. Some turn them into lamp shades or wall paper. Others burn them, file them, flush them down the toilet. Some keep them in a folder, and send out yet another query letter. Keep the dream alive. Some frame the one acceptance letter that comes amongst all rejections. Somehow you have to separate the rejection letter from yourself. The same truth applies to the college process or any “next step”. Colleges build a class, they want musicians and mathematicians, athletes and astronomers, political science majors and painters. They have expectations for that class and maybe you do  not quite fit the profile, but you will at another school or job, agency or publisher.

Try to separate the essential you from your “next step” application. Whatever happens to the application, you are still the remarkable, shining you that you were before the rejection.

Practice thinking  in “a middle way” process; expectation not too high, disappointment not too low. Keep your balance and harmony.

Don’t indulge in a dichotomous success/failure paradigm. These are the frames you put on events. Events themselves are void, they simply are.

Allow yourself some mourning of your dream, but don’t get mired in the drama you create.

Be resilient. Create mindfulness techniques that allow you to bounce back; rationalize, talk to others about your feelings, go for a walk, meditate.

Breathe, breathe often and deeply. Then let the sap of life rise and surprise you as it is wont to do.


Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,


  • By Delfina Tiburcio on 7 March 2012 at 4:48 pm

    This post gives clear idea in support of the new users of blogging, that genuinely how to do running a blog.

  • By Ricardo Manard on 17 March 2012 at 8:58 pm

    Thanks so much for the article.Really looking forward to read more. Much obliged.

  • By Malvina Borth on 20 March 2012 at 3:12 pm

    I think this is among the most vital info for me. And i am glad reading your article. But want to remark on some general things, The website style is great, the articles is really great : D. Good job, cheers

  • By Andrew Pelt on 26 March 2012 at 12:27 pm

    In common, the usefulness and significance is overwhelming. Very substantially thanks as soon as once more and very good luck and maintain up the fantastic work!

  • By Ralph Mccahan on 1 April 2012 at 7:00 am

    hello there and thank you for your information – I have definitely picked up anything new from right here. I did however expertise several technical issues using this website, as I experienced to reload the website a lot of times previous to I could get it to load properly. I had been wondering if your web host is OK? Not that I am complaining, but slow loading instances times will very frequently affect your placement in google and could damage your high quality score if ads and marketing with Adwords. Well I’m adding this RSS to my e-mail and could look out for much more of your respective fascinating content. Ensure that you update this again soon..

  • By Everette Pagett on 25 July 2012 at 12:58 am


    […]Here are some of the websites we advocate for our visitors[…]…

  • By Brent Ferringer on 23 August 2012 at 6:12 am

    Took me time to read all of the comments, but I really loved the article. It proved to be very useful to me and I am positive to all the commenters right here! It is always good when you can’t solely be informed, but additionally engaged! I am sure you had pleasure writing this article. Anyway, in my language, there aren’t a lot good supply like this.

  • By Dalila Toppen on 24 August 2012 at 6:04 am

    I definitely wanted to type a small comment to thank you for those pleasant information you are writing at this website. My extended internet research has at the end been honored with sensible facts and techniques to exchange with my company. I ‘d state that that we readers actually are undoubtedly fortunate to dwell in a good place with very many special people with useful hints. I feel extremely lucky to have used your website page and look forward to some more fun times reading here. Thank you again for a lot of things.

  • By Mack Feauto on 26 August 2012 at 10:23 pm

    It is appropriate time to make some plans for the longer term and it’s time to be happy. I’ve read this submit and if I could I wish to recommend you few interesting things or suggestions. Maybe you could write next articles regarding this article. I want to learn even more things approximately it!

  • By Florentino Gopin on 27 August 2012 at 6:16 am

    Hiya mate. Certainly liked your post. It was very educational and helpful. I trust you do not mind me writing regarding this post on my own website. I will also be linking back to this. Really like your theme! Salamat.

  • By Cathern Slockbower on 28 August 2012 at 8:09 am

    I’m not that much of a internet reader to be honest but your sites really nice, keep it up! I’ll go ahead and bookmark your site to come back in the future. Many thanks

  • By Andree Carmickle on 28 August 2012 at 9:39 pm

    Wow that was odd. I just wrote an extremely long comment but after I clicked submit my comment didn’t show up. Grrrr… well I’m not writing all that over again. Anyways, just wanted to say superb blog!

  • By Willian Woolbright on 30 August 2012 at 7:25 am

    With havin so much content and articles do you ever run into any issues of plagorism or copyright infringement? My blog has a lot of unique content I’ve either authored myself or outsourced but it appears a lot of it is popping it up all over the web without my authorization. Do you know any techniques to help reduce content from being ripped off? I’d definitely appreciate it.

  • By Toby Mierau on 30 August 2012 at 8:50 pm

    Greetings! This is my first visit to your blog! We are a group of volunteers and starting a new project in a community in the same niche. Your blog provided us valuable information to work on. You have done a marvellous job!

  • By Albert Harlowe on 30 August 2012 at 9:25 pm

    I think other web-site proprietors should take this site as an model, very clean and excellent user genial style and design, as well as the content. You’re an expert in this topic!

  • By Vashti Neyer on 31 August 2012 at 7:44 am

    It’s a pity you don’t have a donate button! I’d without a doubt donate to this outstanding blog! I suppose for now i’ll settle for bookmarking and adding your RSS feed to my Google account. I look forward to brand new updates and will talk about this blog with my Facebook group. Chat soon!

  • By Bryce Diruzzo on 1 September 2012 at 7:03 am

    Terrific post but I was wanting to know if you could write a litte more on this topic? I’d be very thankful if you could elaborate a little bit more. Thank you!

  • By Jospeh Sbano on 1 September 2012 at 8:56 pm

    Wonderful blog you have here but I was wanting to know if you knew of any community forums that cover the same topics discussed in this article? I’d really love to be a part of community where I can get responses from other experienced people that share the same interest. If you have any suggestions, please let me know. Thanks a lot!

  • By Kacey Kaase on 3 September 2012 at 5:07 pm

    Hey there! I could have sworn I’ve been to this blog before but after browsing through some of the post I realized it’s new to me. Nonetheless, I’m definitely glad I found it and I’ll be book-marking and checking back frequently!

  • By Ellsworth Bunnell on 4 September 2012 at 11:54 am

    First off I would like to say superb blog! I had a quick question which I’d like to ask if you don’t mind. I was curious to know how you center yourself and clear your thoughts before writing. I have had a difficult time clearing my thoughts in getting my ideas out. I do take pleasure in writing but it just seems like the first 10 to 15 minutes are generally lost just trying to figure out how to begin. Any ideas or tips? Thank you!

  • By Aklama Jarin on 11 September 2012 at 1:37 am

    Interesting things or tips! Substantially, I’ve read like this awesome news and if I could I wish to suggest you some concerning things or tips in other manner. May be you can write next post referring to this title.

  • By Google on 19 July 2013 at 6:58 am


    we came across a cool web page that you might get pleasure from. Take a search for those who want…

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL

Leave a comment